Last day of the year

The day is here. It's the last day of the year 2009!!! Wow. This day came quite fast eh. In the blink of an eye, 2009 is going to pass and it's time to usher in the year 2010!

2009 has been a year of great changes. Many things has happened in year 2009. I thank God for this wonderful year and commit year 2010 to God for more wonderful things that is to come!

Sorry for this short post as I have to go to work soon. Ciao!

Tak Nak

I'm currently on a campaign somewhat similar to Malaysia's old campaign, the TAK NAK campaign. For those who doesn't know what is TAK NAK, TAK NAK means 'NO! Don't WANT!'

So, what am I saying TAK NAK to?

1. Cigarettes

2. Work

3. Emo thoughts

4. Suicidal thoughts

Sigh. Why am I even posting this. I know it's hard for me to say no to these things. Gosh. I so seriously wanna go home. Why am I so emo? I think if it weren't for friends, I would have committed suicide.

Why wouldn't my parents want me to go home? Why would they send me away? Sigh. Am I really that bad? I seriously don't know anything at all at this moment

Same old, same old

Well, I have been working for 5 days. After working for these few days, I have came up to a very very important revelation...

I DO NOT WANT TO BE A CIVIL ENGINEER

I want to work in a white collar job. I'm not saying that blue collar jobs are bad. No. We still need them for our economy. But that is not the job that I would want. At this stage of life, I'm doubting even my choice of taking Mechanical Engineering. Is engineering what I really want? Do I want to work in factories? What do I really want?

Soon, it'll be the end of 2009. You know what that means. Yup. Nostalgic flashbacks to the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months passed by in year 2009.

I guess I'll just start ranting a bit about my thoughts on year 2009.

Well, 2009 has been a year FULL of changes. It's a year that I learnt a lot of things of the society. My eyes have been constantly opened to both the good side and the bad side of the society. I've gotten to know loads of people all around the world. I have traveled on so many planes this year too. And learnt that AirAsia is better than TigerAirways, in my opinion.

2009 marks a year where I enter University in a foreign land which I don't really know the history nor the geography of the land, let alone set foot before on that particular foreign land, AKA Australia.

2009 marks a year where I have been faced with a lot of challenges and have fell down a lot of times. Most of the times, I have just fell and sat there crying (Well, literally). I probably would have just sat there for the rest of my life if I don't have friends. I thank God for friends and for my Church in Perth. If I don't have the support of friends, I think I won't be here writing this post today.

I'm, by nature, a very emo person. I never knew I could get how emo until I went to Perth, and consequently came to Singapore for a temporary job. I guess 2009 is a year full of strong emotions. It opened my emotions bank and I don't think it would close anytime soon yet.

2009, too, marks a year whereby I've became more independent. And learnt that my parents are very protective of me. I guess it's due to the fact that I'm their only child. But I think I've let them down. There is something that they still don't know, and most of my friends don't know although the fact is straight right in front of face. And this thing that they don't know will hurt them a lot. I'm not sure when I would tell them. But I'll save this for another time. Back to the topic of being independent. I learnt to cook, I learnt to do my own laundry, I learnt to tidy up my room, I learnt to fix up furnitures. That is quite a feat for me I guess xD

Oh well. I have to go out now. To be continued...

Time for another pissy post

Yes. Just then I was opening my facebook. I was feeling slightly emo already since I dislike this job. Then I was greeted with so many notifications. I was slightly ecstatic. But however, it was short lived. I became pissy after that. Why? It's because I'm here in Singapore and I'm missing out on friends' birthday and friends' farewells. Please do NOTICE the plural form I used. Singular, I probably can take it. But plural? GAH! GO FISH!

To top it off, friends in Singapore are going out for lunch together. And guess what? I can't go because I have work. Wth! Work is interfering with my social life. I hate doing things that interfere with my social life. Zzzzz

I think next year, I won't come back to Malaysia. I'll just stay back in Perth and rest there. No parents there. A room of my own, and possibly a whole house to myself. What more do I need? Oh yeah. Money xD

I dunno why but I miss swearing and cursing a lot. I know it's uncouth and rude, but it was who I am. I really really want to swear out loud and like always. But why have I stopped? It's because I've grown up...

Pierced Ears

Today, I pierced my left ear. There wasn't really much pain there. Haha. Minimal pain, I might add. Told my parents, they didn't really scold me. Sigh. I guess they think that I can think for myself already... Plan rebellion failed. LOL

Now, I should start worrying about the pus and/or blood that is to come. I have to look after it properly. Sigh. A bit troublesome, but still, I hope it's worth it. xD

Went to church today. The church is an adopted church by Acts Church in KL. Saw Pastor Sandra at first. I didn't know who she was. Then she was introduced as Pastor Sandra, then I only remembered that I really saw her before in INTI college CF before. I guess this is indeed a small small world.

Last Friday, I went to cell in Eunice's house. Quite fun and quite a huge turnout. 15 people! That is like so many! Got to know new people. Not bad la xD Looking forward to the next cell meeting.

So, I'll be starting my work tomorrow. Wish me luck yea!!!

Broken Promises

I've broken many promises. And lately I broke another promise to myself, not being emo. However, once I stepped out of the house, my spirit is being lifted up. I guess I'm not a person who can stay at home. I need to get out of the house more often. Right now, I'm in Starbucks in Singapore. Nothing much to do actually.

I'm supposed to go to Orchard road to walk about now, but then I feel a bit lazy. Hehe.

I want to get a ear piercing today. But then, I'm starting to chicken out. Hm.... Should I pierce it or not? I'm scared of the pain!!! I'm in a dilemma now, but it's a self inflicted dilemma.

Why do I want to get a piercing? It's because I want to rebel. My parents don't want me to get a piercing. But, I came to Singapore to this job to please them. Yet, they don't know. Thus, I decided to rebel. There are quite a few choices for rebellion. Let me list them down.

1. Taking drugs. Good for rebelling, bad for health and a whole bunch of bad consequences. So I don't think I'll be taking drugs anytime.

2. Smoke. Again, good for rebelling as my parents detest smoking. But then, it's gonna be so bad for my health. Nix to this idea again.

3. Drink all day and all night. Not a bad idea. But then, I'll be moneyless by probably less than a week later. So, no to this idea again.

4. Piercing! This is by far the best I can get. Piercing is pain, but I hope not that pain. My parents abhor piercing, which makes it even better. And it's quite cheap and it's a one time thing. So, BINGO!

@ Singapore

So I'm now in Singapore again... Not for holidays but for work. Sigh. I hate this. Why the hell do I need to get this stupid so called job on my first year of university? I seriously don't want to do this at all. I'm doing this just to please my parents. I'm actually sick of pleasing people already. I shouldn't do this against my will. Sigh...

Oh well. I think next year, I won't come back to Malaysia anymore. I don't want to work. I just want to rest during the holidays. See now. I can't even rest well in my own crib. I have to stay with my uncle until probably a few days before Chinese New Year. At least in Perth, I have my own room to stay in. Full privacy yo.

People are saying that this chance is hard to get. Pardon my language here, but seriously, FUCK IT! I don't want this chance now. It's too early. I fucking just want to rest and relax and not working my ass off some fucking job which has no relevance to my future degree at all. Screw it. The more I think about it, the more I get pissed.

This would be the first time in my whole entire life whereby I don't celebrate Christmas, New Year and my BIRTHDAY with friends. This is pissing me off. I've always loved birthdays and was actually not really looking forward to my next birthday as most of my friends aren't here. And now, I'm not even in Malaysia. Talk about double pissed.. This would be one of my worst experience ever in my life....

I still can't get over how angry I am now. But suicide is not an option, yet I guess. But if I really cannot stand it..... I will....

NOT

suicide still =p

Kinda glad that even though I'm pissed, I still can smile for a while.

150th Post

This is my 150th post on my blog =D

Putting that information aside, I got a reply from Singapore. I can start working now already. The work permit has already been approved. And I'll probably be starting by this Friday. Sigh. It's so fast. I haven't hang out with most of my friends here in Malaysia. I feel kinda sad actually. Sigh. Oh well. I need the money. Have to work.

So, I'm now cramming most of my gatherings together now. Not much time left aye.

Results Smesults

In the hype of holidays, the most dreaded thing of all students has arrived. Yup. Results. Our results was released slightly earlier, bringing doom and destruction to the student's spirit. You should see the amount of destruction exam results can bring. It's so amazing yet terrifying at the same time.

It is always after getting my results that I feel like going back to my bed, take my comforter and cover my entire body and contemplate to stay there for probably 20 years of my life. Or until I feel like drinking alcohol. Which ever comes first.

Not saying my results are really really really bad, but to my standards, they are pretty crappy. I have high expectations on myself. But lately, I have been letting myself down. Sigh. Where is my motivation to study harder? Where is my studious spirit? Where is my smartness? Brain! Why have you forsaken me???

I'm not sure how many times have I repeated this. I'll repeat it again. I vow to study hard for next semester subjects. Oh God. I pray that I will be able to keep this vow this time. But then again, will I have the willpower to strife on? My spirit nearly died last semester. I had really really low morale, probably one of the all time lowest morale I ever had for my entire life up till now.

Well putting results aside, I have my work to worry about. I'm still not sure whether I'll be getting that work permit or not. My application, as of now, is still pending approval. I choose to say approval and not rejection. Hehe. I have to be optimistic aye. I think if it is being approved, I will just go take it. I'll be needing the money. I have not much choice actually. Judging by my bad results, I would need so me real work to take my mind of it.

And on another even lighter note, I got a new external hard drive (my 3rd one) and a new laptop (my 2nd one). This external hard drive is so awesome. It's 1TB! It's so HUGE! Can't wait to store most of my stuff into this good old thing. As for the laptop, it's another Acer laptop. It's running on Windows 7! This operating system looks so awesome! But I still need to figure out a lot of stuff. Still trying to get used to that new operating system.

So, I'm now trying to look out in a more positive way of thinking. I hope everything goes well for me next year. Gotta go tinker with my new lappie! Till then~

Home is where the heart is

I'm finally back in hot and humid and now rainy Kuala Lumpur, the place where I kinda belong to. It feels kinda good to be home. At first it seems foreign, but then I settled in back to my old routine life quite quickly.

Basically now, my life revolves around going out and in front of my computer. I have nothing better to do. Kinda lazy to do some reading too. Hm... When did I start to be this lazy. Probably I've always been this lazy. Haha...

Money is running out. My application for the work permit in Singapore has been submitted. I'll have to wait probably for a week or two to see whether is it gonna be approved or not. There are pros and cons to both scenarios. If I get it, I would be getting income but then I won't be able to hang out with friends and I am going to be emo and very lonely. On the other hand, if I didn't get it, I would probably be happier and not kill myself in the end. If you don't see me next year, I would have probably died of loneliness (or probably suicide).

Now currently I'm practicing Clare de Lune on the piano. Gosh! It's so freaking hard. Actually it's not that hard, but my sight reading sucks like hell. However on the bright side, I managed to get the tune. Haha. Gotta practice harder yo.

And by the way, my house is now wireless. I mean the internet. I managed to install the wireless modem. So now, I'm online in my room! I have never been online in my room before. It's so fun. Haha.

Anyway, I'm going to die of boredom soon. People! Call me out!

Aloha from Singapore

Greetings! I'm now in Singapore lazing around. This is my last night in Singapore though. Haha. I'll be heading back to Malaysia tomorrow night. Nothing much to do here.

Lazy to type. Cheers =D

Last day

Today is the last day I'm here in Perth for the year. Gosh. I can still remember vividly the last day I was in Malaysia before I came to Perth. I still remember what I said, and yet I didn't fulfill it. I can't believe time passes so fast. Soon, it'll be a year gone and I'll be another year older. It's unbelievable that I've already spent like 2 semesters here in UWA. It's quite amazing how time flies.

2 semesters of full blown emotions. This year is the year where nearly all of my emotions surfaced. And in full blast mode. I guess I'm not as independent as I like to think I am. I'm very dependent on friends. Once I'm alone, emoness washes over me, leaving me vulnerable to a lot of things. I have to learn to keep that away. Will I be able to do that?

Anyway, for the past 4 days, I was away down South at Denmark (It's in Western Australia) and Albany. It was hell lot of fun! My perspective on some people changed drastically during this camp. I guess when they say 'you can't judge a book by its cover', they are right. This is one lesson that I learnt. The down south trip was AWESOME! By the way, I'm beginning to keep saying the word awesome. It's such an awesome word! xD

The scenery down south was SPECTACULAR! The scenery was absolutely breathtaking. Our God is indeed a great and wonderful God. I stood on the rocks above the ocean, taking in the cold and chilly sea breeze. It was so wonderful. It's just so freaking peaceful down there. It's a great relaxing thing to do right before I go back to the hustle and bustle of city life.

The fellowship was really awesome too! There were 19 of us that went down South in 3 cars, a Tarago, IMax and a Holden. It was so fun! Road trips are absolutely the BOMB! I want to do it every semester. I hope I have the money. Haha

Speaking of money, my mom wants me to work T___T She managed to find me a job (technically it's my uncle in Singapore) at a civil engineering firm. Not sure if I could get it. I'm having mixed feelings here. I want to work to get the experience and money. But I want to have fun at the same time too. Sigh. It's so troublesome to think eh.

Anyhow, I'm going to Singapore tonight. And Malaysia on 30th. Hope I have a great time! By the way, here are some of the pictures that I took while I was down South.

This is when I'm up on the 61 meters high tree. Scary yo!

This is the sunset. Awesome view.

Looking at the sea on the rocks. =D

This is a view of the sea as we pass by Albany. That, my dearies, is a Cruise Ship.

Lonely...

I'm now all alone at home. My housemates have flown back to Malaysia. Sigh. The house is so quiet. Making me emo~~

Anyway, I'll be going down south for 4 days next week. Then I'll be flying off to Singapore on Friday night, reaching on Saturday morning (Freakishly early in the morning). Hm... Can't wait.

Feeling so down that I don't feel like blogging much. Looking forward to be with people~

Bury the hatchets?

Things might not return to the same, scars shall always be there. I'm just gonna see how is the wound going to heal and to what extend will the wound heal. The emotional wound is a very tricky thing. It takes a long time to heal. Like most people say, time is a great healer. I'm not saying that it is not. But yet, time is probably one of the more complicated things in life. Some say that time is a great healer but some says time is cruel. How can something be good and bad at the same time?

It is probably like fire. There is a saying that goes like "Fire is your best friend when it is small and your enemy when it is big and uncontrollable". Time is somewhat similar to this, and yet there is a significant difference to it. Gosh. I don't know what am I rambling on now.

Why is life so tough? Why isn't there a reset button for life? No. Suicide is definitely not an option here. Yea yea. With suicide, you can run away from it. But my religion teaches me that Suicide is bad. And I don't plan to suicide anytime soon, nor for the rest of my time on earth. So people out there, don't worry.

Time to bury the hatchet, put the past behind me and try to do my own damage control now... Sigh. I'm always stuck with damage control. Someone help me do it? xD

Mistake?

Mistakes. Everyone makes them. Not many learn from them. Even throughout history, you can see that the once great leaders made severe mistakes and that led to the death of thousands. Thank God that my mistakes normally just involves me, myself and I. But the emotional cut is sometimes too hard to bear.

There are many decisions in life that I really regretted. Basically, coming to Perth is one. I still have 3 more years here in Perth. 3 years later, would I look back and just laugh at myself for regretting at this decision, just like how I laugh at myself for once hating Chong Hwa with a vengeance?

Basically for those who knows me extremely well, or maybe even for those who just know me on the surface, they might know that I am a person who seriously hates to be left out. I thought after moving in with friends, I wouldn't be feel that way anymore. But guess what? I'm wrong. Which led me to a point to question my own choice. Did I make the right choice to move in with them? But I guess it's kinda too late to change my mind again. I have to just stick with it. Sigh. This is seriously hell...

All I can do now is just pray for a peace of mind. And not think about it anymore. I asked my Cell leader what to do. She told me to tell them. I guess I will tell them, if they do it another time. But probably they were unintentional, but I don't know and I don't wanna know.

I just want to have friends...

THE END!

I'm no longer a freshman. As of today, I don't need to study a SHIT until next year! How great is that? Whoa. The feeling of freedom is so nice, so sweet. I can finally go back to being bored again. And yet, I think just within a few short days, I would say that I'm bored, and bored, and more bored. Ironic hey?

Anyhows, I'm having my long holidays. How will I spend it? I seriously don't know. I guess this would be one of the most lonely holidays ever. Sigh. But I will find peace in this season of lonelyness. One of my main objective this holiday is to grow stronger spiritually. Gonna seek Him even more.

So basically, I've finished my first year at UWA. Ah... The sentimental feeling is falling upon me now. One year in UWA. It is really unrealistic if I think of it sometimes. I mean like 1 year ago, I wouldn't ever imagine myself to be here in Australia. I've always thought that I would be in US at around this time. Since young, I wanted to be in US. However, the reality is that I'm here in Australia. It is weird how fate won't go the way you want it to go.

So here I am, close to being 1 year here in Perth. February 8th. It was the first day I touched down here in Perth. I would always remember the date.

Anyway, I'm off to drink to celebrate the end of exams. Till then.

3 more days~

It's gonna be the final of the final battle of the year. 3 more days time. Tuesday. 9 till 12.10. The final battle. Of. The. Year. I just can't wait for this to finish. Then I have take a break for the rest of the year. That is, until the results come out and I cry about it for a while, then I'll continue to be happy, until 22nd of Feb, when University reopens. Sigh...

I seriously can't wait for my finals to end. This has been one of the most stressing finals of my life. I've never ever been that stressed out for an exam before, not in Inti, not in Chong Hwa, and most certainly not in primary school. I guess it is true that they say University is kind of stressful. No wonder people go crazy when they study in University.

Speaking of which, will I ever be able to graduate? I guess it's kinda early to mention about graduation as it is just my first year of University. But this question never cease to exist in my mind. I'm so scared of failing a subject and end up not being able to graduate, let alone get my most dreamt first class honors degree. Oh well. Before worrying about that, I should be worrying about the exam that I have on Tuesday...

Kinda screwed up for this exam. This exam takes up 50% of the subject. As for the coursework of the other 50%, I got only like 33.5%. Hm... By Inti standards, I'll be looking at a C or a B-. But the system here in Australia is so different from the system I've ever been in. There is this stupid thing called scalling. If the mean results of the subject is not in the expected range, the results is scaled. Don't ask me how it really works. I don't know and don't intend to know. It's kinda stupid...

On a side note, I'm going to go back to South East Asia in about 20 more days time! First stop, Singapore. Second stop, KL, aka HOME SWEET HOME! I can't believe that the first time I came to Perth, I told like nearly everyone saying that I won't go back to Malaysia until 4 years later. What a joke. I guess home is where the heart is...

I should start concentrating on my studies now. Wish me luck. I need loads of luck and concentration. Till then!

Changing

I was just blogwalking through most of my friends' blogs. I found out something in common with nearly all my readings. Everyone changed and they yearn to change back to the old self. This is also the same case with me. I guess everyone is starting to feel the pains and cruelty of the real world. We are not shielded by our parents anymore and thus we don't live in our perfect little world anymore.

Sometimes I wonder if we could just recreate the old times. Yea yea. I know the world is like the cold blooded serial killer, but can't we just stop looking at the reality just for a minute or two? I just want to relive the old times for a minute. Sigh.

Some say changes are good. But what if I don't want to change? Everything happens for a reason. That is what they all say. It's not that I don't believe that, but it's that I choose to wish for the old good times to prolong. While just sitting here in front of the computer, I could list you like a million happy things that happened to me AND yet still feel emo.

Probably it's time for me to change perspective and look it from another angle. Perhaps I should see the glass as half full instead of half empty. I've always said that I don't want to be emo or something close to that (for example, saying I'm not going to be dodgy anymore), but it is quite hard to change your personality after it is incorporated in you for like months or years already.

Changes doesn't happen in a snap of the finger. NOTICING changes happen in a snap of the finger. Changes take a long time to complete, and even when you think it is complete, it is actually still changing. I guess this is like the wonders of changing. Normally, when noticing the changes, it is too late. Too late to do anything. The damage has been done. You can probably try to re-change it again, but it would be a tough one. It is always harder to revert stuff. Hard to write backwards, hard to say the reverted alphabets out loud, hard to walk backwards all the way... It is because we are just too used to the changes.

Ironic isn't it?

Changes. Whether you like it or not, just deal with it. You have no other choice.

Anyway, back to studies. Toodles...

Finals soon!

So the last day of University came. And it went. Sigh. How time passes hey? I'm now in the midst of preparing for my finals. And oh boy. This is the time where I seriously become emo. Why so? It's because I don't understand a *beep* of my studies. I don't even know why am I studying for it. Sigh. Why is my comprehension of my study materials so low. I need to understand all of it! I bet that Greek would be wayyyy much more easier than these *beep* I'm studying for.

But oh well. I look forward to the euphoric sense of emancipation that will come after 10th of November. Sweet sweet freedom for the next few months until my 2nd year of University starts. Ah. The joy and wonders of holidays. Not to mention the boredness. LOL

Anyhow, I SHOULD EFFING BE STUDYING NOW!!! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE POSTING THIS BLOG POST?

Nah. I'm just bored out of my mind. But still, it's 2.53am now as I type this post. I should be in bed. No dirty thoughts there. Tsk tsk. Don't think dirty, 'kay? Hehe. I blame it on the caffeine. It makes me hyper and hard to concentrate. HOWEVER, I need it to stay awake. Ironic much?

Wish me luck for my finals =D

Peace out....

Last day of uni

Sigh. The last day of my first year of University classes. So uneventful. Nothing much to talk about. Feeling kinda nostalgic. But I have a feeling that my University life is kind of at a turning point. I hope it is a turn for the better, and not for the worse.

When I think back, I seriously don't know what have I achieved in this year of University. But then again, thinking back to Inti, I don't think I've achieved much too. Hehe. No difference there. I hope to have a difference when I finish and graduate with a degree.

Let's see. Finals is coming really soon. In just a few more days time, I'll be sitting for my finals. Sigh. I'm kinda scared but then, I'm too lazy to study xD

Wish me luck anyway. I cbb blogging. No mood.

It has been a while

It has been a while since I've blogged. And it has been a while since I came to Perth. In about 3 days time, my life as a first year university student will come to an end. Nostalgic? I guess so. So much of stuff has happened in the short period I have been here in Perth, both good and bad.

I've learn a lot of things since I came. A lot more than I can imagine. It makes me scared actually because I've not yet seen the whole wide world, but yet I've already started to feel intimidated. Life is not a bed of roses, how truly said. There are just too many obstacles in life. I'm not sure if I'm ready to cross these obstacles. When I fall, would I just stay there and cry? Or will I pick up myself and brush away the dust?

I've came a long way since. And in a few months time, it will be my 20th year on earth. How time passes. It's so fast! Sigh. I wish time would be less cruel and crawl by when my happy times come xD

Anyway, some update on my life here in Perth. Lazy to upload pictures though. Haha. But anyhow, I've moved into a new house. Note to self 1: NEVER MOVE HOUSE. House moving is one of the biggest hassle in life. I never knew I could accumulate so much stuff in just a short of period of time I'm here in Perth.

Note to self 2: Never assemble everything in one day. Your hands will kill you. On the bright side, I have a fully furnished room, and most of it was furnished by yours truly =D. The sense of achievement is overwhelming. I feel so proud. LOL

Anyway, I hope everything goes well for the presentation that is going to be held today. I don't wanna repeat this unit anymore...

A fat ass liar

I'm a fat ass liar. Yea yea. I promised that I won't be emo but guess what? I've been emo-ish again. Surprise surprise. Oh well. I guess that would be part of life. But gosh! I hope it doesn't evolve into depression. I probably should get my ass out from Perth to a happier place before depression comes. Hm.... Wishful thinking much?

Anyway, I haven't been blogging much. Can't seem to find the heart to do so. A lot of things have happened for the past few days. My feelings are just so mixed up now that I don't even know what am I feeling now. This is just like high school again where I don't know much about love. I guess I'm still a 'noob' at this love game. Sigh...

I'm so scared of loving again. I'm scared of getting hurt in a relationship again. I just can't bear it. I think if I get hurt here in Perth, I will lose my mind. All of my mind I think, since I've already lost my mind partially xD

Finals are soon to be here in less than a month. It's kinda scary how time passes so fast. Soon, my second semester in UWA is coming to an end and that signifies the end of my first year in UWA! 1 down, 3 more to go. Sigh. Time passes really really fast.

On another note, I want to get a piercing on my left ear and a tattoo on my leg. I'm sure that my parents will kill me if I did that but hey! I think it is cool! I reckon that I will regret it in the future but I'll just leave that for the future. Getting a piercing and a tattoo here in Perth is extremely pricey. I will try to get myself a job first before getting the piercing and tattoo. I wonder what my parents will do after seeing me with those?

唉。好久没用华语写部落格了。通常当我用华语的时候，是我蛮脆弱的时候。那么我这次为什么脆弱呢？答案很简单－－就是爱情。我真的不明白为什么爱情可以弄到我这么烦恼。我怎么不可以爱上一个已经爱上我的人？我为何要去爱一个不会对我怎样的人？

在个＇单行爱＇的路真的很辛苦啊。你看着你爱的人用＇特别＇的眼神去看别人，你的心就会碎成一万片。你会不断地问：＂为什么他不会看上我。。。＂

其实我到现在还没跟朋友说我真的喜欢的人。不好意思说出口耶。如果给你们知道肯定会吓死你们。哈哈。

我要回马来西亚。回到那边，我就不会看到你，我的心就会慢慢恢复原状。好期待回家哦。。。

October IS COMING!

Gosh! October is coming soon! And the weather is getting better, not that cold anymore, Thank GOD! And the sun is starting to come out longer! It's about 6pm now, and there is still SUNLIGHT! Can't be more happier to see that!

I live to see the sunlight. I love the sunlight. I'll be extremely emo if I don't see the sunlight. But now, HAPPY DAYS ARE COMING! I love you sunlight!

I'm being overly hyper. I can't wait for the emo side of me to just drop away and not come back for a period of time. I guess I've been emo quite a lot lately. But oh well. All's well that ends well? I hope so xD

Anyway, I should be getting back to my studies. Gonna head home at around 6.30pm probably. Please still be there sunlight!

The countdown starts

63 more days till I leave Perth! Then I'll be in Singapore for a few days, and back HOME next! Can't wait to go back to my own home. Can't wait to see my little doggy (probably not that little now).

But first, I've gotta go thru finals first T__T

Post Holiday Stress

Holidays can be a blessing and a bitch. Sigh. Let me sum up why so.

Before Holidays: I WILL STUDY HARD! I WILL STUDY DURING THE BREAK! I WILL MANAGE TO CATCH UP ON MY ASSIGNMENTS AND STUDIES!

During Holidays: Ah. There is still so much time. I'll just do it tomorrow!

After Holidays: OMG! SCREW IT! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING DURING THE HOLS! HOW AM I GOING TO MANAGE TO FINISH MY ASSIGNMENTS IN TIME! I HAVE A TEST TOMORROW TOO! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! *dies*

There. Understood?

I don't know why but suddenly, it's like everyone wants to change majors. It's either changing disipline within engineering or just changing majors or even to changing universities. Sigh. This makes everyone so emo-ish. It makes me think at times. Have I made the wrong choice of taking Engineering here at UWA? Hm... I guess I'll never know..

On a lighter note... I have the freaking HAY FEVER. For those who doesn't know what is it, let me just sum it up for you. My nose is dripping like a leaky faucet, except for the fact that instead of water, it's mucus. I tell you ar. Everytime I fling my head, my mucus would just fly out of my nose and land somewhere. It's like a water bazooka. And my eyes keep tearing up too. Sigh. Tears just keep flowing out of my eyes, non stop. It's like I'm crying 24/7. How embarrassing >.<

Anyway, I'm just blogging to run away from studying. I have a test tomorrow! Wish me luck yea!

It's the study break

I still remember before the study break, I swore I would study everyday. But sigh. Even the best laid plan of mice and men often go awry. Up till today, I still haven't started on anything. And the nearest time that I would have time to study is Friday. Sigh. I'm dead.

Anyway, nothing much has been happening lately. Just went drinking at Dex's house on Sunday. And today, I'm going drinking at Adrian's house. LOL. Drinking spree. Haven't had drinking sprees for a long time already.

You know what is the death of me? GENG1003 and Dynamics. These 2 subjects are killing me slowly. Hm.... Will I survive this semester? We shall see =D

This is a super short and random post. Sigh. I'm just running away from doing my research... This is bad...

Parents Love

In Australia, tomorrow is Father's Day. I went to my church service today. The pastor talked about a father's love. As he preached, I think back to my parents. I think this is the first time in Perth that I miss my parents. Sigh.

Thinking back, I squabble a lot with my parents. But the more I think about it, the more I noticed that my parents changed a lot. I think they really do love me.

I remember there was a time last time whenever I call my dad, I would get pissed off a little. It's because he was working, most probably having an appointment with his client, and he just told me to call him back in an irritated voice. But after a few years (I totally forgot how many years later), he changed. He took his time to answer me and in a polite tone too.

When I was younger I remember there was once I stole money from my dad. One day, he found out. And oh boy. Was both of my parents angry at me. It was a Saturday, I still remember. They found out in the morning. In the evening, my dad and I went to the night market. On the way there, my dad hugged me and said "Don't do this anymore, I still love you". Till this day, I remember those words and the warm fuzzy feeling that accompanied it.

Now, I'm in Perth. My family is not the really rich kind of family. We have enough money just to get through our lives. But with me here in Perth studying for 4 years, I'm going to use up all of the family savings. I feel really bad. My parents back in Malaysia cut down on a lot of luxuries. By those actions, I think they really love me.

The first day I was back in Malaysia for my winter break, I was fetched by my dad from the airport. He took the time from his tight schedule to fetch me. Sigh. And then I called my mom who was working. She told me to look into the oven when I'm home. After reaching home, my dog greeted me happily. I was so glad. Needless to say, I ran towards the oven after reaching home. There was a cake waiting for me there! Chocolate cake too! YUMMY!

I love my parents a lot now. And today, I miss them. I pray that they will have good health. For this Christmas, I think I'm going to buy something back for my parents and attach a note saying how grateful I am to them. It's high time I show my gratefulness and love back to my parents.

Mom, Dad I LOVE YOU!

It's the Hols!

The week-long study break is finally here. I can take a short breath for a while. Sigh. This holiday won't be a break from study but it'll be a break FOR study. Sad much?

Anyhow, nothing much that I want to blog about. Haha. But I noticed that I've became a loner. Sigh. Oh well. I guess I'll have to get used to being like this for the time being. I can expect to be with people all the while. Somehow, I find peace in being alone sometimes. Just like me walking along Matilda Bay. It was kinda relaxing.

I sometimes think I'm annoying. Because on MSN, I always find people first before they chat with me. Sigh. But I can't help it. I just wanna chat....

Speaking of chat, I think that since I came here to Perth, my chatterbox nature has decreased by a significant amount. I'm talking much much more less now. I don't know why is this so but I'm scared. It means I'm changing. I don't know it's for the good or for the worse, but I'm still scared all the same. I used to be able to talk a lot, but after coming here to Perth, I've toned down a lot. I don't like it.

Uni life is tough

It's Friday (Technically Thursday night =D)!!!!! Today signifies the last day of the 7th week of University for the 2nd semester!!! I hereby declare that Uni SUCKS!

I just read a small yet touching story. This is just a summary =D

There was this young girl who just moved into a very very old flat. As she was young and poor, she couldn't really afford a nice flat. Her neighbours were very poor people too. So there was this one night where electricity was cut. There wasn't any light at all. Luckily for this girl she has candles to light. Suddenly, there was a knock on her door. After opening the door, she saw the little girl staying next door to her. They must be begging for candles! They are so poor that they can't even afford candles! I shan't give them any candles if she begs me for it! She thought.

"Do you have any candles?", asked the little girl.
"I'm sorry but I don't have any, little one," answered the young girl.
The little girl's face lit up with glee and said "My mom told me that you're staying all alone by yourself and you might not have any candles! I've brought over two candles for you to use!"

Upon hearing that, the young girl just broke into tears. Here was a little girl who is living a minimal life but yet still willing to give things to people in need.

This is what the world needs. This is what I will strife to do.

'tis the season...

This the season to be emo, fa la la la la la la la la~~~

Why is everyone so emo these days? Even I'm so emo. LOL. But anyhow, after being emo, I found out who my true friends are. Although they are not with me currently, but they shall always be in my heart. I love you true friends =D

Anyway, I just wanna blog saying WHY THE HELL MUST PEOPLE LIE ABOUT THE SMALL THINGS? For goodness sake! Why lie about your mark? If you got full marks, BE PROUD ABOUT IT! Gosh! This is like so lame! Such a small thing also wanna lie... Sigh... What is the world coming to anyway...

In a lighter note, I've decided to get more active in Church cum Cell activities. I won't turn down any request for me to do anything, eg. refreshments, worship etc etc etc. I'm always at your service, ready to go =D

University is being a bitch currently. There are assignments to finish and tests to take. Sigh. 7 weeks into 2nd semester University life and I'm sick and tired of it already. I seriously think that the University should contemplate using this method. Having classes for one week and having holidays for one week. Screw the long holidays. I rather have short bursts of holidays in between the study time, this way I can relax!!

I'm currently stocking up on a lot of junk food. Junk food IS MY LIFE! I'm so gonna gain weight now T___T. On the bright side though, WINTER IS COMING TO AN END! As of 22nd September 2009, Spring is going to be officially HERE! Heat is here! YAY! Heaters can be put away already finally. Phew! =D

It's 12.35am now. I should be studying now. That is what I'm gonna go do now! Till then peeps!

Extreme emo post alert

It's 12.34am. I have a test at 9am later. I'm very stressed out for this test. This is seriously like the first time I'm taking a maths test without really understanding the things that are going to be tested. I'm extremely worried and stressed....

I was at my University's laboratory studying till about 12am. I declined Dex to fetch me home. I guess that is a stupid move. In the end, I walked home alone. Alone with my shadow as a partner.

I've evolved into something I'm scared of, a loner. I never wanted to be a loner. But under these circumstances, I've became a loner. I don't wanna be a loner. I want to have many friends all around me....

I seriously miss those times I was in Malaysia when I was surrounded by friends. Where is the feeling? Someone help me find it back?

Btw, thanks to those who cheered me up in MSN. I appreciate you guys =D
I just wished that I can be with you all...

Seize the day

After these many years on earth, I learnt something important, and that is to seize every moment. Savour it. Enjoy it. This is a tough lesson learnt, I swear. Carpe diem, or seize the day, after translation, has always been my motto of my life. Yet, I seldom apply it in my life.

After coming to University, I learnt that the best years of my life aid in my high school years. Those were the years when I was the happiest. Yes, there is no denying that there are downs. But however, the ups during my high school years were genuine ups. Those were the real happiness. The real laughters, the real fun.

It's when I started my uni years that I learnt to fake a laughter, fake a smile. Some people say that this is important, but I digress. It's not what I'm meant to do. However, as I progess onto the stepping stone into society, I felt myself letting go of my real indidual self. I lost the real me, and in place, I faked a Raymond there. As i learnt in psychology last time, this is one of the defense mechanism of men.

However, I guess it's time to stop faking. It's time for me to be who I really am. I have a goal, a mission to accomplish. It's high time that I fulfill it. I still need a lot of time trying to fit into this new society here in Perth. But mark my words. Once day I succeed. I shall be famous and I shall be glad with what I have.

At times I'm alone, but I need to know that I'm actually not alone. I have true friends, but just not next to me now. I have family too, but yet also not next to me now. But I know one sure thing. I have God with me all the while. His joy shall me my strength of which I will strife on.

The last straw

Yes! This is the effing last straw! I don't want anymore shit from you guys anymore. Excuses my arse. Please go shove a pole up your ass. I ain't not gonna take anymore shit from you. Please go kill yourselves and make the world a better place asshole...

Surrealism

I wake up everyday and the first thing I feel is that I've been doing that for the past 19 years of my life. Well, technically, I have been waking up everyday for the past 19 years of my life. LOL. But the surrealism steps in when I go brush up and head to university. It feels like I have been doing this for a long time.

It seriously doesn't seem that I'm studying in the Land Down Under, aka, Australia. I just feel like I'm home. It's a weird feeling. I don't know how to explain it. It is just surreal when I tell myself I'm actually in Australia and not in Malaysia. It feels surreal that I'm living by myself and being independent.

I always wonder that if I didn't apply to UWA and just head off to US, would I be happier? Or should I have taken UEC and probably go to Singapore instead to study? Sigh. I always wonder about this and that. There are just too many things in life that I regret. Why can't I just peek into the future to see what will happen if I made the choice and finally just choose the best path?

I guess I should feel blessed that my family can afford to send me overseas to study. But I can't shake off the feeling of uneasiness away. I'll just try to make the best out of it.

Anyway, about my last post, I think I have the solution. I shall continue treating people how I want them to treat me, without considering how they treat me. LOL. I know it might sound complicated and weird, but that is what I'm adviced to do and I will do it. I shall remember Your words.

40 hour famine aftermath

After an agonizing 40 hours, I've finally finished my mission! Yay! 40 hours of no solid food was seriously tough! Just imagine the torture when you can't eat while you look at others enjoy their food. Oh gosh! I never knew 40 hours could mean 40 thousand years! I just broke fast with my cell members. We ate KFC. Haha. I know. It's a little ironic. But hey! 40 hours is no easy feat!

Hm.. What did I learn from this experience? Well.. I can still be a little energetic after fasting for about 24 hours. Haha. I managed to walk back home from my cell leaders house after 24 hours of fasting, which was about 600m away. Not too bad hey!

Lee Mun also joined me in this incredible feat of 40 hours of fasting. Not too bad for spiritual growth I guess. I hope that we will grow moer spiritually.. On a lighter note, I'M GONNA HAVE STEAMBOAT TONIGHT WITH MY CELL MEMBERS! YAY!

Oh yea. I've learnt something today too. Calling everyone to go to a certain place doesn't mean that you will get invited to go for outings with those people in the future. I've learnt this the hard way. Anyhow, I won't be asking them out anymore, I guess. But somewhere deep within me, I know I shouldn't do that. What happened to my life motto that goes "Do unto people what you want people to do unto you" Sigh.

I guess under some circumstances, it would be hard to stick to my motto. But I guess I should try to stick to it. It would be hard though. Give me strength God...

I seldom (or should I say never) encountered these kind of problems in Malaysia. Sigh. Why people in Perth are so self-centered? Not all in general. But SOME. I hope you don't take this the wrong way >.<

DIE PLEASE

YES! YOU OVER THERE! DIE! I'm talking about Dynamics, a subject that I'm taking now. OMFG! It's so freaking hard! It can go and die in Timbuktu is all I care! GRRR! The subject makes me so freaking annoyed and pissed off at the same time! Why the hell must this subject be invented?
As a torture material? I swear it can go like this...

Captured Prisoner: I WON'T TELL YOU MY SECRET
Captor: Yes you shall. Behold the power of this dynamic question! Solve it!
Captured Prisoner: NOOOOooo... I can't solve it! I'll tell you all of my secrets!

Sigh. Can someone go kill this subject for me please? The reward shall be my gratitude, and mind you, my gratitude is hard to come by. Bwahahaha.

On a ligher note, I'm joining in the 40 hour famine! Basically in this activity, I can literally fast from anything for 40 hours! I can fast food, fast furniture, fast homework, fast talking, fast breathing etc etc. LOL. I chose to fast from gossipping. Gawd. It's gonna be hard. And a new addition, I'm going to fast from eating too, I hope I can go on for 40 hours without eating! Wish me luck!

And if you're in Perth, COME DONATE TO THIS GOOD CAUSE! I'm fasting gossip and food because I wanna raise funds for the poverty stricken countries! Support me!

120th post in this blog

Wow. I can't believe that I've been blogging for about over a year now. Sigh. How time flies eh. It's the 5th week of uni already. I've been back in boring old Perth for about 1 month already, and my room is a great mess. I shall take a picture of my messy room one day and upload it to my blog. Behold the room of a teenage boy! xD

Anyway, I had my first test of the semester today. I think I kinda screwed up the last page. But then, I don't care already. I think I did my best (kinda my best) xD. And today, I had my first presentation ever in Perth. GOSH! I was so freaking nervous!!! My hands were cold and palms sweaty. But anyway, I managed to survive the ordeal. I think I did quite well too =D

Nothing much happened today. But I think I seriously need to start to study already. I haven't been studying much at all. How dead am I.... I need will power!!!

On a lighter note, I'm bored. Hahahaha. I'm always bored. Sigh. Will I ever be not bored? LOL

Untitled just because I want it to be

I've finished my 1003 essay!!! 1500 words! I think I did it in a few hours, but if I weed out the time that I surfed facebook, msn, dota, fmylife while doing that essay, I think I would have needed about 2 hours to finish it. Ah. Procrastination rocks!

Well today, I had lunch at Sizzlers in Morley. Omg. It's like so far away. Had to take a bus to city then another bus to Morley. Total time on bus: approx. 1 hr. It was hell tiring... After reaching Sizzlers, we had to wait for Kishan the birthday boy. He was LATE!

When he reached, we all said Happy Birthday to him and then faked leaving xD But he acted indifferent. Sigh. Mission failed there. But anyway, we still hung around outside Sizzlers and finally got into Sizzlers about 3 hours later. Jokes. About 10 minutes later xD

Anyway, I seriously feel very bad for Kishan. We didn't get him enough pressies. Oh well. More to come KISHAN! LOOK OUT! Anyway, after entering Sizzlers, we took another 15 minutes just to decide what to eat. Sigh. Why is everyone so indecisive?

But anyhow, we sat down. Then Sin Yee and I went off the the Salad Bar to grab some cake for Kishan. We basically took every topping available there. We were kinda in a hurry. It was hillarious xD

The lunch went on without much problem. But oh wow. The food! IT WAS HELL GOOD!!! I ordered a T-bone steak. OMG! IT WAS SO HUGE!!!!! I swear that it could feed the entire world population. But the taste. YUMM! SUPERB! MARVELOUS! WONDERFUL! YUMMY! =D Liz couldn't finish her pork ribs steak so she gave some to me. It was hell good too! But there was just too much bones there >.<

Anyway, the lunch then proceeded on without any problem. Then Sin Yee and I got bored and we started to play a game - daring each other to eat some kind of food combination. Sin Yee first dared me to eat a chip dipped in coffee and thousand island sauce. Then Liz had to come and add loads of pepper and salt to the chip. Sigh. A dare is still a dare. I ate it =D

Then I forgot what I dared Sin Yee to eat. But anyhow, she ate it dutifully xD THE NEXT PART IS HORRIFIC!!! PREPARE YOURSELVES!!!

Evil Liz and Evil Sin Yee went 'trigger happy'. They took a cup and set off to the drinks counter. They mixed every drink together for me to drink. It was actually ok. Then, they came back and dared me to drink. I was being a pussy. Didn't dared to drink. Little did I know there was more to come.

I think I drank that combination and it wasn't too bad. But then, Sin Yee added Coffee. Then Matt added his leftover chicken bones. IT WAS STARTING TO GET GROSS. Then Jon dared me to drink that combination, saying that he will treat me to Chilliz for lunch if I drank it. I contemplated a while and said yes. But then, Adrian said to add pepper sauce. I asked Jon again would he raise the bet. Jon said he would raise it to 2 lunches.

AND THE HORROR STARTS

Remember, in the drink, there are now:
1. Every soft drink available
2. Coffee
3. Leftover Chicken Bones with bits of meat on it and some fat and sauce

NEXT.
4. Adrian added pepper sauce and lemon
5. Someone added tiramisu cake
6. Salt and pepper are added
7. Some unidentified sauce is added

THAT IS SERIOUSLY A VILE COMBINATION. The sad part is, I drank a sip. OMG! IT TASTED LIKE PUKE! YOU CAN FEEL CHUNKS OF STUFF GOING INTO YOUR ESOPHAGUS! YUCK!

I won the bet =D Thanks Jon =D

After that, Ben drank it. Prita drank it. Then I think most of the people at the table drank it, with the exception of Leemun, Liz and someone else I think. I think Jordon didn't drink it either. Not too sure.

That was the highlight of the lunch xD THANKS KISHAN FOR SUCH A NICE LUNCH!

Anyway, just ffs (guess this abbreviation), SEE THIS CHAT!

Now we know that Adrian likes to screw girls when his parents aren't home =D

Thankful

I'm now 19 years old. I'm starting to feel thankful to my parents. Sigh. I was such an annoying kid when I was younger...

I still remember fighting with my parents when I was younger. They kinda forced me to take piano and violin. Now, I'm very thankful that they forced me to take those because I rely on those instruments at times to release stress.

And yet again, my parents forced me to learn Mandarin. Gosh. I still remember those days. I hated Mandarin with a vengeance (and still kinda do xD)! But now, I can speak Mandarin people who can't really speak English well. And yeah. I won't be left out in conversations. Haha.

I'm really thankful that I have my parents. I don't know why but I really feel that way now. Maybe it's because it's late at night and I just kinda noticed it today.

It's because just now, we went to Northbridge to eat. I was seated at this table of around 8 people. Only 1 person in this table doesn't know Mandarin at all (Another one knows a little). And so, the others (sometimes including me, when I'm not talking to the banana) were speaking in Mandarin. Thus, leaving the odd one out. Which makes me glad that I know Mandarin.

I want to do more. This is my current goal.

It's coming to the 3rd week!

Emotions are actually boiling deep within me. It's August again. 1 year ago, this time, I sent some of my friends off to the airport as they depart for US.

9 months ago, I never thought that I would be here in Perth.
9 months ago, I thought I will be going to America.
9 months ago, I was having a happy time in INTI.
9 months ago, I never fathom I would be alone in Perth.

9 months later, I'm here in Perth.
9 months later, most of my AUP friends are leaving for America.
9 months later, I'm regretting yet again (It's time number 19232342786) for not staying with AUP.
9 months later, I'm feeling nostalgic again...

Sigh. Why did I ever leave AUP? If I didn't leave AUP, I would be back home in Malaysia studying for my last finals with my friends, worrying about my new life in America, attending farewells, having my own farewell, going to airport etc etc.

Why did I make the decision to leave all those? Sigh. It's too late....

Anyhow, I wish everyone in INTI good luck for your finals! For those who are flying to US for this Fall semester, I wish you all the best. I will miss you guys. I hope that you guys won't just remember me as 'a friend I once had in INTI', but remember me as Raymond. Sigh. I will be very sad if you forgot me. Good luck in the State friends. Have fun!

Swine Flu?

Argh! I'm had sore throat and now I'm coughing!!! Is it swine flu?

Sigh

Sigh... I'm so not gonna countdown to the days left in Malaysia. Fine. I still do. I still have 2 more days, not including today. It seems so weird saying that I'm going back to Malaysia for vacation. Normally, it's "I'm going to Perth for a week for vacation! See ya soon!"..... But no, "I'm going home for a month! See ya soon!"...

Gah! It's so different! And the timing! Why is everything happening on such a bad time... I'm flying back on Friday night and these are what I'm going to miss...

1. IntiBall on Friday Night
2. Church Family Dinner on Friday Night
3. Man United vs Malaysia on Saturday (I got free tickets y'all!)
4. Bon Odori on Saturday

SIGH! Why must all the fun things happen when I'm leaving... It's so freaking unfair!!!!

But anyway, I had loads of fun back in Malaysia. I don't wanna leave so fast. I know that sometimes I do say that I wanna head back to Perth ASAP... However, I digress....

LET ME STAY IN MALAYSIA!!! THE FOOD! THE FUN! THE FRIENDS! THE FAMILY! THE DOG!!! NOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Back in Malaysia!!

Yes! I'm finally back in Malaysia. I've been here since Monday xD It's only now that I've found the time to blog =DDD

Being back in Malaysia is seriously very good for me. My depressed feelings had just fled *snap* like that! Gosh. I miss my Malaysian friends so much. I miss those times where we hang out together. Sigh. Those were the times.

I had been doing loads and loads of stuff these few days. A lot of things had been cancelled too, due to unforeseen circumstances. But all in all, it is still quite fun =D

Btw, HELP ME GET BACK MY MALAYSIAN ACCENT ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

Home soon...

I'll be home soon. T_______________T

TEARS OF JOY!

In less than 24 hours...

... I'll be boarding my plane back to Malaysia!

3 more days

TILL I'M HOME IN MALAYSIA!

1 semester in UWA gone

The 1st semester for me in UWA has officially finished. It has been like four months since I last saw Malaysia. 4 months! It's quite long. 4 months of not seeing my Malaysian friends. 4 months of not seeing my parents. 4 months of not seeing my dog. 4 months of not sleeping in my room. Hm.. I wonder if my 'stash' in my room is still there. I haven't even drove for 4 months. Hands are quite itchy to get on a steering wheel and drive a car.

4 months. That is seriously very long. But then again, it kinda passed just like in a blink of an eye. I can still remember vividly 20 days before I came to Perth. And now, it's like about 10 more days till I fly back to Malaysia for a visit. It feels weird to say that. Flying back to Malaysia for a visit. It's like I'm having my holidays in Malaysia, and not in other foreign countries.

A lot of things have changed since I came here to Perth. And by a lot, I mean a lot. I've changed a lot also. But mostly not to my liking. I've become more twisted, I think. More fake. Slightly more selfish. I don't like myself being like this. But drastic times call for drastic measures. I changed because I needed to survive in this sick world. But anyway, I hope I'm going to be back to normal when I'm in Malaysia again. I just can't wait to go back to Malaysia.

People used to say that University is like the best years of your life. But I digress. University is a shitload of tests and assignments. And to top it off, you're no longer being spoonfed. Which means, you have to basically do everything on your own. Study your own materials, read your own labs, do your prereading before classes etc etc. And it's hard for me to just move over like this. Furthermore, I have to do my own chores, a feat which I never did when I was in Malaysia. Haha. Things have seriously changed, to my chagrin.

But like normal, I'm still fickle minded on what to Major in. I guess old habits die hard. God knows how many things I've thought I wanted to major in and gave up in the end. Everyone who knows me knows it too. And now, I doubt that I want to major in Engineering. It's just kinda tough for me. I don't know if I'm cut out for it. I rather do English or PR. But then again, when I do that, I will probably say I'm not cut out for it either. Haha. If only I can just not study anymore, how wonderful is that...

Oh well. I still have to suffer through the coldness of Perth's weather for about a week till I go back to Malaysia. Warm and stuffy climate, shitty yet unlimited internet HERE I COME!

1 word says it all...

DEATH

Before I get happy about going back to Malaysia...

... I have to worry about my finals first T__T

Current Countdowns:
Finals: 6 Days
Going back to Malaysia: 20 Days
20th Birthday: 225 Days =D

Bwahahaaha. 225 more days till my 20th =D
I just put it there for fun xD

Gah! I'm now at my university's library, TRYING to study. But, as you can see, to no avail. Why do I always fail to study until the last minute T___T I've gotta CHANGE!

Anyway, today is quite a busy day. I reached uni in the morning. I intend to study till in the arvo (afternoon) then head off to the city to go to Myers to shop =D (OMG! 3 to (s) in 1 sentence -D). Then later at night, I'ma watch Night at The Museum 2 with my cousins! Wahoo! What a great way to relax eh?

What am I crapping T__T I'm so relaxed now. Kinda worried that I'm so relaxed. How ironic =D

Anyway, back to studies! Ciaozzz

25 more days...

left to go back home to Malaysia! Wahoo! I seriously can't wait for it! I miss so many Malaysian stuff. The lifestyle is so different... Egads! But I still will have to wait till after my finals. I have to suffer through my finals first. How sad is that...

But, I have a feeling of accomplishment today. I finished watching like 2 lectuers online. Wahaha! Why do I watch it? It's because I don't understand my notes. I write here, there and everywhere, thus I don't even know what am I writing. So much for taking notes. Such a waste of pen ink and paper. Zzz

Anyway, I'm just very bored now at University. Haha. Dunno what to do, so I thought I'll just leave a random note here =D

给你的一封信

你好。我有句话想问你很久了。你为什么要这么假？你到底是不是当我是朋友的吗？你每次说你是我的朋友，可是你的一举一动都显示你不是。我觉得你很自私咯。多亏我当你是朋友。。。

好心你。约了人，就问他要不要去啦。如果不要我去，当初就别提给我听啊。你知道这样会伤害我吗？我会感觉到我好像被忽略哦。如果你是我的朋友，你就不会这样做。

我现在开始要对你假一点了。这是我人生中第一次做这种决定。都是你逼我这样做的，我也不想这样啊！

我知道那天我有错，不应该那样说你，可是我觉得你也有一点错啊。你怎么可以觉得全都是我的错呢？你觉得这样很理智吗？

我不想我们的友情变到这样的阶段。希望你能理解。可是不知道为什么，我觉得我们不再会是所谓的＇好朋友＇了。

没办法，我只能说再见。

FREEZING MY ASS OFF

I hereby declare that...

I HATE COLD WEATHER

with a vengeance =D

I remember I used to say that I hate the warm weather in Malaysia yada yada yada. But now, I LONG TO GO BACK TO THE WARM WEATHER! Ironic much?

I'm now wearing 3 layers of clothing and I'm still freezing! I'm wearing a T Shirt, Hoodie and a Jacket. 3 layers of protection. Warm? NOT! I'm so cold that I don't actually want to leave my warm and toasty bed! I seriously need to get a heater ASAP!

In a totally unrelated note...

THIS WEEK SHALL BE THE LAST WEEK OF UNIVERSITY! At least, the end of the 1st semester classes =D

Next on the list is FINALS! OMG! DIE DIE DIE! T___T

Next, something in mandarin xD

我怎么每次在爱情都要有一个悲伤的结局？我喜欢的人，我永远都不能拥有。很辛苦的耶。。。我以为来到PERTH我就会有机会重新开始新生活，怎知道。。。唉，悲哀啊！

可是说真的，我来到这儿，我比较少练习我的＇肺＇话了，不知道我的＇肺＇还健康吗。。。我曼怀念以前跟朋友一起讲废话啊。在这里，我的废话都很普通，很不废。在大学的朋友跟中学的朋友的性格完全不同啊。。很难适应的耶。。。

好想把时间转回去到中学的时光啊！

Beware: Emo Blog ALERT

Yup. It's emo time again. I guess that I can't run away from it. You guys can associate emo and I together.

EG:

How to spell emo?

R-A-Y-M-O-N-D

Well, I think that I have to rely on myself now here in Perth. I'm like so not used to it. I used to rely a lot on friends. But then, I think I need to rely on myself here in Perth. I found out that I can only believe in myself, and not others. I don't wanna be lied to anymore. I just want the truth. Why can't people just tell the truth...



Hm... I guess I'm really growing up now. I'm not the young and naive Raymond anymore. I'm learning to be fake and kinda twisted in my own way. Not of my choosing though. It's the environment. Remember Charles Darwin? Yeah. Survival of the fittest. I'm here to survive.



I used to be so young and naive. I remember my mom used to tell me that the world is full of lies and deception. It's so different from what I used to believe when I was young, thus I told my mom that I won't be fake, and that I don't care what people do to me and I will just be myself and stay true to myself.

But now, I digress.

The world is indeed an evil place. A nice place for the devil to spawn his advocates. Hm... When did this all change?

WHEN I CAME TO PERTH THAT IS!

OMG! Coming to Perth has really opened my eyes to a lot of things. New things. It's literally a stepping stone from my imaginary perfect little world to this evil world! Why is this world so TWISTED? I wanna go back to my own cocoon of perfect little people. T__T

WHERE IS THE OLD CHILDHOOD INNOCENCE?

BRING IT BACK TO ME!

Random Rantings

My first semester here in UWA is going to end soon. 2 more weeks of classes and then finals. And that concludes my 1st semester in UWA. It seems kinda surreal that I'm here in Perth furthering my studies. Sometimes, I still wake up thinking Where am I? Where is my dog? Where is my blue walls? Why am I on a small bed? Then reality settles in very fast. I'm here in Perth, no longer in Malaysia. I don't know why but I feel like I've been here for ages. Maybe 3 months is kinda long for me.

But anyway, FINALS IS COMING! *runs around like a headless chicken and crashes into the nearby wall* It's like the most dreaded time of the students! Well, majority students. Some FREAKS (YES YOU!) like exams so much that they are so willing to die for it. I'm a normal student and thus I HATE EXAMS!

I'm so scared that I won't be able to cope well in these exams. I don't have any motivation in me to study for the test. I hope that the motivation will come in due time.

Anyway, I think I've been drinking a lot of booze lately. HOW? BEER BELLY IS COMING! I've gotta learn to control myself.

I think that I'm having a hard time controlling myself. I'm a very compulsive person. I can go compulsively buying stuff, compulsively drinking etc etc. AND to top it off, I can't control my emotions well. I can just lash out easily =D BEWARE THE RAYMOND!

Anyway, I'm too lazy to blog now =D

Reid Library

Greetings from Reid Library =D
This is just a seriously random post. I've been surviving on caffeine since morning...
Had a test today, Introduction to Electrical Engineering. I so screwed that test =(

Anyway, I'm supposed to be studying for my Physics test that is going to be on this Friday! OMG! So many chapters to cover!

Uni life is so hectic, especially when you procrastinate everything till the last minute and only start to worry about it at the 11th hour. In addition to not studying but still facebooking and blogging =D

How wonderful is that?

Project Study

Venue: Curtin University

Mission Objective: To study for Wednesday's and Friday's test

Mission Gadget:
1. Introduction to Electrical & Electronic Engineering notes
2. Physics textbook

Mission Ammunition:
1. M&Ms
2. Plain water

Mission Distrations:
1. Laptop
2. Handphone

Mission Time Lapsed: Roughly 2 hours

Mission Status: Less than 1% done

Projected Mission Outcome: FAIL




OMG! PLEASE LET ME STUDY T___T

2 tests!!!

OMG! I have 2 tests next week! Geng1002 and Physics! 2 chapters for GENG1002, 10++ Chapters for physics! Can anyone help me dig a grave T___T

Nothing much to blog about now. Classes are quite boring. I wish I have the will power to skip them T__T But then again, what will I do while I skip class? There isn't anything to do! Every morning, I feel like skipping class. But then, I'll just step into the shower and get ready for class. Damn! I need the will power to skip class xD

Only 40+ days left for me! Then I'll be heading home to MALAYSIA! Yay!!!! Can't wait for it! I miss my dog so much!!!

Btw, there is this one pretty girl who stays in my area, takes the same train and bus to UWA, and is in most of my classes. She uses the same bag as me too! But mine is black while her's is pink xD. I wanted to talk to her. But no courage la! T____T So noob xD

Oh yeah. I've kinda lost my 'lah's already. I have to get it back! COME BACK TO ME!!!

Back from camp

I'm back from Church camp. I should be rejuvenated and have a better relationship with God, aye? On the contrary, I did not feel that. This camp wasn't really great for me. I think I've sort of backslided even more, during the camp. But no fears! I've stepped up, yet again.

Well, I expected a lot from this camp. I really wanted to feel God's presense, hear him talk to me, hear what he has to tell me directly or even through people. I wanted to rejuvenate my relationship with HIM. But then, even until the last night of the camp, where people around me were on their knees etc etc, (some were even so overwhelmed that they cried), I couldn't feel anything.

I told God that time that if he were there, send someone to tell me that he is there. But no one came to me to confirm this. I was really sadden by this. At that time, I seriously felt that God has forsaken me, and that he doesn't love me yada yada. Kinda sad huh? I was so disappointed and I gave up. While people were worshipping around me, I kept saying to HIM that I give up. I give up, I give up, I give up. Then I felt compelled to pick up my bible and flip to a verse. It was Amos 5:4. It says "The LORD keeps saying, "Israel, turn back to me and you will live!"

I sense the Lord telling me to turn back to him. But I was just too overwhelmed with grief that I didn't even wanted to listen. I just gave up. I fell and I didn't want to pick myself up.

The next morning, during devotion, someone mentioned that we shouldn't give up. We are already on the way to the destination. It will be a waste to just give up. I might just be like 5 seconds away from the destination and I just gave up. Then I thought to myself, I shouldn't give up!

I talked to Jon (my cell leader) through MSN later in the night. He gave me some really timely advice. I shouldn't give up. I should continue to do it. I'm willing to sacrifice my time to get to know HIM even better.

And another part why I wasn't really enjoying the camp was that I was basically like a loner. I didn't have many friends. I wasn't really close to anyone. They know each other quite well already and were quite clicky. It's hard to just join them like that. I like to create my own new clicks and not join existing ones. I just don't feel welcomed. It's a gut feeling.

I hope these will change. I want to know God even better and get closer to HIM. I need this relationship. There will be an empty void there if God isn't there.

AUTUMN

It's finally starting to feel slightly like AUTUMN! The weather is cooler (I haven't whipped out my jacket for a long time! Finally got the chance to show off my new jacket =D Happy much?), and the leaves are falling! YAY! I just love to step on the fallen leaves and hear it crush! Don't ask me why. I feel extremely happy just doing that!

I've made the decision to stay put in Australia. It's hell to me, but I'll learn to live with it. I have to get used to being lonely. I'll just look on the bright side of stuff. For example, I can study better here xD But I don't think I'm studying much. Hehe. I'm still leaving studying to the last minute, ie. cramming 1 day before the test. Same old, same old xD

Things haven't changed much here. What do you expect to change? I'm still alive and kicking here. But I wanna head home to Malaysia! I miss loads of stuff in Malaysia. I miss friends, doggie and food! But I think I miss my doggie the most. Haha. Cuz I can't talk to her, can't hug her, can't cuddle her, can't tease her T.T I can't wait to go back to Malaysia in JUNE!

Studies here have been slightly hectic. Maybe it's due to the fact that I love to procrastinate. PROCRASTINATION RULES! WOOHOO!!! But seriously, I'm not used to the teaching style here in Perth. It's so different from Malaysia when we were spoonfed like crazy. All we needed to do was to memorize the equations. BUT NOW... I have to do some pre-reading first if not I won't understand the class, which I don't. So, I just listen without understanding the classes now. I'm so screwed! I don't wanna repeat my subjects!!!

I'll be heading down south this week (Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday) for my church youth camp! I've kinda been forced to go. Hehe. I didn't want to go in the first place because it was expensive. 4 days 3 nights, AUD119! Multiply that by 2.6 and you get RM309.40! OMG! ISN'T THAT EXPENSIVE??!!! But... I'm still going. Haha. I need to rejuvenate my spiritual life! I think I've kinda like backslided. I'll have to move forward!

I'm not sure what to blog already. I don't wanna blog EMO stuff la. I'm not EMO wth xD

When It All Falls Apart

When everything starts to fall apart, you will just want to sit down and just weep. I guess it's all right to do that for just a while. After that, you will have to pick yourself up, brush away the dust and start walking again. Just remember you have friends around you. They will support you. However, only the true friends will support you. Not those fake ones. Which is why you have to choose properly.

I was feeling really really down today because I got back my results and it wasn't what I expected. I started to fall apart. I started to doubt my decision to come to Perth. I started to even doubt my existence. Thanks to the support of friends, I didn't mope around for like the whole day. I started to pick myself up. I know I will now study harder and strife for the best in the future.

Anyway, today I also got news that my old gangs are all falling apart. I do sometimes wonder if anything could last forever. Why couldn't we just preserve the wonderful good old times when we were younger and much more carefree. I could just remember the times I was in High School. I had so much fun during the breaks between classes. Laughed so much together with friends. Those were true laughters of joy. It was much more frequent last time.

What happened to those innocence that used to surround us? Why did those childhood innocence just vanish to? Why must things like friendship fall apart as we grow elder? People tell me that this is the circle of life, part and parcel of life. But isn't there any way to just stay together? Even people these days are getting divorces more frequently as compared to the people in the olden days.

I just wish I can have a carefree life. Laughing and joking non stop. Just have fun instead of worrying this and that. But I guess that life can't be that simple. People come and go. Life and death. That is the way it has been since long before and long after. I just can't get into this circle of life yet.

I want joy. I want peace. I don't want change. I want YOU.

The emo people

Guess who is emo again?

The beach

Isn't the beach just wonderful? Another artistic picture from me!

Camwhore

Guess who?

I believe...

...that I'm in Perth for a reason. There is a reason whereby why UWA chose to accept me although I have no foundation, and have a shitty SPM result and American Degree Program result.

But what is my purpose here? It's such a drastic change from America to Australia (apart from the fact that both the countries sort of start with A). One is about 20+ hours up North from Malaysia, another one is about 5+ hours down South from Malaysia. I never dreamt that I would be coming to Australia. I never even thought of coming over down to the Land Down Below.

I choose to believe that God gave me this opportunity to do something. But what exactly is this 'something'? I've been in Perth for 41 days already. But this 'something' is still foreign to me. I know that people might say that my purpose here in Perth is to study and get a degree. But I think there is more to this. There should be more than this. I'm still very curious why God placed me here in Perth. But I know that God works in mysterious ways. I guess I'll just have to wait till the storyline unfolds itself.

The reality that I'm in Perth didn't really hit me that hard. Life is still not much different. I'm still having fun, but a different kind of fun. NOT THOSE DIRTY FUN, MIND YOU! It still feels like I'm at home. Somehow, although I choose to deny it, I feel 'at home' here in Perth. It's like I'm born here instead of Malaysia. Not too sure why I feel that though.

This post is a random post. Haha. Just wanna post my feelings after going to my Cell Group last night. Anyway, I've gotta get back to studying now.

Me

Carousel at 6pm

1 Month Later....

... I'm settling in Perth. I'm starting to get slow and old. I'm adjusting to the lifestyle here in Perth already. I don't think I'm as alert as I was last time now. You don't really need to be alert here, which is why the alertness just goes away as time passes by. I'm even typing this blog at a really really slow speed. Why type fast? There is a lot of time...

But anyway, University has been okay, I guess. Quite tiring though. I have classes at 9 every single day. I wake up at 7, switch on the comp, go bathe, prepare bread, eat bread and walk to the bus station to catch a bus to the Esplanade (City Busport). It's my daily Monday to Friday routine already. I always put on earphones to listen to music so that time will pass faster xD

However, I don't really concentrate much in the lecturers. Some lecturers has a weird accents. Eg: My stats and probability lecturer is an Italian I think. He pronounces 'Subtract' as 'Sub-Traaaaaaaak'. Damn. No wonder I hate stats and probability. And Adrian Liew is hating the lecturer too now xD (MA CI BAI XD) I would just rather study the stuff myself as it's quite troublesome to listen to those lecturers. HOWEVER, I'm just too lazy to study. HELP!

I have friends at University. And guess what we do? PLAY POKER! We use sweets as stakes. It's quite fun though. We normally play it at 'The Ref', which is the bigger cafeteria in our University. We are like the noisiest table in the whole cafeteria. You have to know that people in Perth speaks quite softly. However in our tables, it's nearly all Asians. When we get hyper and win, we just do what every normal human being would do. SHOUT! Thus, I think we got cursed by many people in The Ref, I think xD

I have to manage my finances properly. I just found out that I've freaking over-spent already. How am I going to survive T.T. I'm literally cooking every night now. I try not to buy lunches at the University. I have to SAVE MONEY! (YES KISHAN AND BEN! I'm SAVING MONEY!!!)

Oh well. Nothing much has been happening other than these. Oh yeah. I saw kangaroos already in the wildlife park (which reminds me I still owe my cousin sister money >.<). I saw many dingos too! The dingo is so cute!! It's something like a wolf-dog. DAMN CUTE LA WHEY! I wanna get one as a pet! But too bad it's protected T.T I would want 1 for a pet xD

Anyway, I'll just stop here. Gotta cook my dinner now. Till then!

People Change

I went for a BBQ today with Brenda's church. Since I know Brenda only, I literally stuck to her like your nails to your fingers. We chatted how we haven't really met each other for like 6 years+. I found out that people DO change over time.

I could still remember the stupid things we did when we were in primary school. GOSH! It's so embarrassing remembering those stupid things. I really wanna think about it, but when I think about it, I get fidgety. It's ironic how I wanna think about it and not think about it at the same time. But however, my point is that people do change.

Just recently someone added me on facebook. I seriously didn't know who was she. I browsed her pictures and she looked like a model. I just couldn't place my finger on who the person is. Later she told me who she was and she was my primary classmate! Gosh! She has changed a lot! She was quite a plain jane last time but now, WOW! She has grown up and became a pretty girl, somewhat like a model.

As for me, I feel like I've changed quite a lot too. I've became a person I didn't want to be when I was younger, and I've since then tried to change and be a person that I feel that is ideal for me. But I guess I couldn't please everyone. This is one lesson I've learnt. Just please yourself and not everyone. Look where my 'pleasing everyone else' has brought me to? BORING PERTH!

Anyway, on a lighter note, classes are going to start next week. After about 4 months of brain resting, it's gonna take a hard time for my brain to jump start again. Can anyone suggest me a good jump start machine?

Long while....

I seriously can't believe that I've been here for only A WEEK! It seriously feels like I've been here for eternity. This sucks. I can't wait to fly back to Malaysia xD

Uni has been quite normal. But I think the orientation is a bit on the boring side. I've got to know a few friends and I'm like stuck there. I know a few Aussies but not that close anyway. The culture here is so damn freaking different from Malaysia.

Shops close at around 6 here. And if you are still inside the store, they will tell you that it's closing time, please pay and leave. Sheesh. Why must they close so early... There is definately no mamaks here, and cyber cafe here is expensive. I think I only saw one, and it's $3 for 1 hour. Expensive....

And I hate grocery shopping. It's tiring and since I'm on a tight budget, I have to shop for the cheapest things. And the worse part is the cooking part. It's so troublesome thinking what to eat, and after eating, you'll still feel hungry. WTH! I still remember I kept saying I wanna be independent, but now I think that is all BULLSHIT!

But then again, there are pros and cons of being independent though quite lazy to list them down here...

Btw, did I tell you how slow and laid back the people are in Perth? Well? Guess what? I'm starting to get SLOW too... OMG! I'm starting to walk slow, talk slow and eat slow! I've been munching on this sandwich (which is my dinner, sad, I know) for the past hour! DARN!!!

Other than that, I think I'm doing fine here. Till then =0

Perth

I've finally reached Perth. THIS IS A DEAD MAN'S AREA! Or maybe not.
BECAUSE A DEAD MAN'S AREA MOST PROBABLY HAS MORE ACTIVITY HERE!

Just kidding. It's damn freaking quiet and laid back here. It's so scary. It's like everyone over here is taking life at a very ssssslllllllloooooowwwww pace. Please help xD

Anyway, I went to UWA today and it seriously looks like a haunted mansion xD

Gonna post the pictures later, I guess.

Anyway, a word of advice. DON'T WAIT TILL SO LATE TO SAY YOU LOVE SOMEONE!

Roughly 15 hours left

Oh well. A whole new world of mysteries is opening up to me soon. I'm due to be in Australia soon! Wonderful or sad? You do the thinking.

I'm gonna miss a lot of things here. I mustn't be emo!!!

Last day at INTI

Actually this year, I'm not really enrolled in INTI anymore. But however, I'm a sentimental kind of guy. Thus, I always went back to INTI to visit my friends. However, Friday was the last day I could go back to INTI to visit friends as I'm leaving for Australia already.

To tell you the truth, I don't really feel anything much about leaving INTI, at least not as much as leaving Chong Hwa. I still remember walking around Chong Hwa during my last few days there and taking in the environment for the last time as a student there. Maybe because I'm at INTI for 1 year only and so the feeling isn't as deep as compared to my feelings for Chong Hwa of which I have been studying there for 5 years.

Yet again, I went to FTZ (a cyber cafe outside INTI) to play DOTA. I guess that would be my last DOTA game at FTZ already. I won't be coming back to Malaysia so soon and when I come back, I guess most of my gang has flown to USA already. Damn. I feel so left out but I cannot do anything.

I also attended my last CF meeting in INTI. There are really some good memories in CF. The best is getting to know Yi Herng, Swee Ling and Christine. They are really really the greatest friend a person could ever have. I could tell them all my problems and everything. I believe I still have many chances to meet them.

At night, I went for dinner with Fernie and her brother. Although I know her brother for less than a month, I feel that we can get along quite well. Hahaha. Quite funny la as we don't really know each other but we can work together to annoy Fernie. Hehehehe. It's a nice memory here too la. Hahaha

As for INTI friends, yeah. I will miss them a lot. Although it was just for a year, but there are feelings there too. I will surely miss a whole lot of them. But will they miss me? That remains a mystery =)

Anyway, gonna enjoy my last Saturday before I fly off to Aussie!

Gonna blog again on Sunday morning =)

A New Life in 3 More Days

I'm like getting a new lease of life in 3 more days. I can't really believe I'm going to overseas in 3 more days to further my studies. It seems so surreal. It's just like yesterday that I first stepped into my primary school. Time passes really fast.

I'm actually both excited and sad to go to Australia. I will miss my friends back here a lot. But I won't think i will miss them until I cry. But still, I will miss them a lot.

Got nothing much to say already here. Just looking forward to flying off soon. Wish me luck guys and gals.

8 more days

Many years ago, both Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. And now, I'm tasting the forbidden fruit, and I'm liking it. OH WHY MUST I LIKE IT? I still have about 8 more days left in Malaysia and why must I do THIS before I go? Why did I get drunk? Why didn't I control my alcohol consumption? I'm in deep trouble.

It's rather cryptic eh? I can't really say much as I'm a bit ashamed on what I did... But I think most of you also can guess already la. Haha.... =.=

But I can't change anything now. I'll have to pay the consequenses anyway...

8 more days. It's seems so surreal that I'm gonna leave Malaysia in 8 more days time. But it's Australia. It isn't that far away from Malaysia anyway. However somewhere deep in my heart, I still wanna go to USA to further my studies. Why did I ever give in to my parents and go to Australia?

It's always regrets. I've always regretted many things in my life. But somewhere in the future, the regret passes and I'll be thankful for what I did. Would this time be the same? Would I still be thankful or would I continue to regret for the rest of my life? Only time would tell me.

Chinese New Year this year is rather quiet, just like Christmas day last month. I found out that when you are older, you will look forward to less things. I still remember when I was young I looked forward to everything that is special and out of the ordinary routine of my life. I used to stay up late and wake up early anticipating the things that are gonna happen. These days, I could just sleep through it and miss it. Why life is so different when we grow up....

Growing up is a tough process. It makes you mature, of which I don't wanna be. I still want my childhood innocence. My parents keep telling me that out there is a cruel and fake world, and that we have to be fake to be able to reach our targets. Why is the world so sick and twisted? Why can't I just be myself...

I'm being rather random in this post, typing whatever that comes into my mind. Haha. But nobody reads it anyway... >.<

Except for maybe the first part. I guess people will start to ask. I also cannot keep my secrets for too long. I'll have to tell someone sooner or later just to get the rock off my chest.

16 more days...

Well, I officially have 16 more days in Malaysia. Time is running out. It's time to tell my friend i like the girl already. Wish me luck

20 more days!

OMG! I can't believe it! In 20 more days time, I'm going to leave Malaysia! I really cannot believe it! It seems that time took a great leap or something like that! I need more Malaysian stuff first! I'm so gonna miss Malaysia!

I didn't know that 20 days is so fast! I just took a look at my calender and found out that 20 days is gonna pass just like that! Cuz this week i'm gonna be in college. Next week is Chinese New Year. And the following week I'm going to be home eating home cooked food and everything. And the following week, I'M GONE!

Damn. Time passes fast. And this poses a new problem for me.

Well, I guess quite many people knows already. I like this girl. Fine right? I should just tell her I like her! But hell. I'm scared she will be scared by me saying I love her and we might not even be close friends anymore. Think this is minor? Try adding this on to my problem. A close friend of mine told me that he likes her too! OMG! Catch 22!

I think I should not tell her that I love her and try to matchmake both of them. Am I stupid?

Why me

Love. Do you know what is love? Well, I thought I knew but little did I know I know shit about love. Love is a sweet and funny thing. But for me, love sucks. Why must the love path for me be so tough? Why must I fall into this stupid trap...

The person that I'm in love with is always not the person I like. However, the person that I really like will never be my partner. Why is life so cruel to me T.T

Why am I always stuck in a one way street love? Why can't I enjoy a two way street love? It's making me give up on love actually. Maybe I should really give up on love. How ironic. And I told my friends never to give up on love while I give up on love. Haiz. Why am I not practicing what I preach? It's so tough for me.

I think I'm gonna give up on love. Peace out.

1.What’s your ambition?
- Be a wonderful person and live life to the fullest =)

2.Who is more important to you?Friends or boy/girlfriend?
- Friends are more important. Unless of course the boy/girlfriend is a good one =)

3.How often do you think of committing suicide?
- Quite often, I guess. But as long as I 'think' and not 'do', I guess I'm safe xD

4.Do you think you have enough confidence?
- Never =)

5.What can't you live without?
- Family, friends and my dog.

6.Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
- Dude, I study science... But if you mean metaphorically, I guess so. There is always a turning point at the bottom, unless you die =)

7.What is your goal for this year?
- Do well in Australia

8.What does LOVE means to you?
- I hate confusing and one way street love. And too bad I'm stuck to it.

9.What’s a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to u?(list 10)
- 1 way. By completing me =)

10.What are you really afraid of?
- Leaving friends and family.

11.What are your bad habits?
- Talk nonsense, lie, lust =)

12.Is there anything you wanna tell the people who hate you?
- Get a life =0

13.State a random fact about yourself.
- I am short.

14.What does flying means to you?
- Having wings =)

15.What do you crave for the most currently?
- Love

16.Describe the person that tagged you in 7 words.
- Fun, wonderful, friendly, caring, fantastic, emoish xD

17.Are you currently single or?
- single T.T

18.What is in your mind now?
- It's the matter of who, and not what. I don't lie to you. It is HE who is on my mind now. Guess who is HE. Damn. I like him.

19.Who are you?
- I am a confused person.

20.Who do you want to be 10 years later?
- A person who has a purpose in life.

Instructions:
Remove one question from above and add in your personal question.
Make a total of 20 questions and tag 5 peoples.
List them out at the end of the post. Notify them in their cbox that they’ve been tagged.

Tags:
EVERYONE ON MY LIST!